To Nick

As some of you who read this know, a very close friend of mine passed away very recently, and it’s only now I’ve been able to pen something together. After finishing his degree in Law last summer, his dilated cardiomyopathy suddenly caused him to have heart failure. After an emergency operation, he had a pump fitted to help his heart to keep on pumping the blood around his body. He made a incredible recovery and was able to get around by wearing a holdster with batteries in them to keep the pump pumping. On March 13th this year he was scheduled to have the pump removed after having made extremely good progress with his recovery over the months he was wearing the pump. Unfortunately there were some complications with the operation to remove the pump, and a further two operations were required to fix him, but it was thought that he caught an infection whilst in surgery/hospital, and ultimately, he sadly passed away.

It’s been two weeks and I still can’t believe that this terrible thing has happened. Grief is an odd thing, an emotion that completely controls and dominates you. There is nothing you can do or say or feel to make the grief go away. It’s such a lonely feeling. Last week in fact, after the funeral I felt so disconnected from every one, even the people I was around. It felt like I actually missed the people who I saw every day, even though I know I’m going to see them soon anyway.

I never mean to sound insensitive to my late grandparents, but losing someone like Nick is truly and deeply more emotionally strenuous, and burying him last week was the toughest thing I’ve ever had to do. I guess it’s the fact that I pretty much lived with him and saw him every day for the past three years, and the fact that when your grandparents or elder family members pass, they’ve had a good life and had the time to enjoy everything that life has to offer, whereas Nick hasn’t had that chance.

Nick,

In the very short time that I got to know you, we became close friends, and is probably the reason that I feel like I’ve known you for all of my life. Truer words have never been spoken about someone than about you. I can’t once recall someone with something bad to say against you or you having anything bad to say about anyone else. That’s not a criticism of character, it’s a honest remark of the kind of person you were. You were generous, humble, extremely genuine, modest and absolutely hillarious – I haven’t got a memory of you where none of us are smiling or laughing.

We’ve shared some memories too – like the massive trip we had to Milton Keynes Bowl to see Green Day. It took absolutely forever to get there, and it seemed like we never would! I especially remember the random bus ride we took through a residential estate being driven by a guy who I swear didn’t speak English. Even the ride home was a challenge – those horrible chips we had in that grotty cafe in Milton Keynes bus station! Was an awesome day.

There were many times in our first year, that Kat and I thought it would be a good opportunity to show you bits of Wales (or “The County of West England” as you called it), and I remember spending hours in your car getting lost and travelling to some of the more obscure bits of Wales, all for unknown reasons of course!

And the amount of times “Team Nick” has reigned supreme I couldn’t ever forget.

It’s hard to imagine you not being a part of my future life, and I feel honoured and privileged to have known you. We were truly robbed of an inspirational, unique and unbelievably awesome soul. Nick you will be forever missed, but will live forever in our hearts.

Love Nick

www.nickbill.com

~ by shepherdnick on April 13, 2008.

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