I want it to end. Now.
I want it to be finished. Now. This past two years I have worked so incredibly hard towards my degree, and often finding it a bit less rewarding than the happiness that washed over some of my friends. Sometimes I feel like I am being punished for resiting, or that somehow they know that I am resiting and don’t deserve similar marks. Maybe that or I’m stupid. It’s been bloody difficult, and is probably the reason I can’t wait to finish, and that I don’t want to head straight into a career as a code monkey at the moment. All I want to do is be able to not care about my job – is that so terrible? Am I expected by everyone to aim higher? Am I wasting my potential position as a graduate in crippling my career? Why is everything so laid out for me all the time – there’s too much pressure!
I have just written two massive documents, and am about to sit my final three exams, and hopefully still have enough money to stick around Swansea for the summer, and essentially for the next couple of years. I am sitting here after spending pretty much most of the last 5 or 6 weeks in the lab from 9AM until a regular time of about 6PM or 7PM. Sometimes it’s been later than that, reaching a maximum of about 4AM the following morning. This has been including weekends. My body has probably got so used to this it’s going to be a shock when I reach a normal 9-5 job, at least I hope so.
Don’t get me wrong, I love the friendships I’ve made by the pure fact that me and my friends are all in the lab working on the same assignments and courseworks, and they are friends I hope to keep forever. And after the degree is over, I will never have this kind of friendship again, because it is unlikely I will be doing a similar job as so many people. This part of it I will miss. But it is absolutely exhausting.